Child Of God

*.* Child of God *.*

Name: Cherlyn Ong
Birthday: 13 June
School: NUS YLLSOM
Age: 19

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trals of many kinds, because you now that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
James 1:2-5
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Monday, July 25, 2005

hmm...ok it's like 2.10 in the morning, but yes, I'm still awake! sigh...I think I'm ruining my biological clock...I slept at 5.30am yesterday too. Both days cos I was doing SIA (student-initiated assessment) Why didn't I do earlier(days before now)? Because I was either doing other work or had extra activities...and I was so tired after church (yes, I stayed awake till it was over :P) that I slept in the afternoon.

argh! I feel subjected to torture! How do you enjoy a movie, and at the same time, try to prove (for the assignment) that the "scientific facts" in the movie are fake? Answer: Impossible! haha...and joel was even asking me to do on titanic, because he said,"titanic hit iceberg, iceberg win" and that if there wasn't anymore chemistry facts to agrue, talk about the chemistry between Jack and Rose. sigh...guys...

ok I need to sleep, otherwise in school later, what will happen is that, I'll suddenly be super awake and then suddenly be super tired. Don't know why. Need to work out the chemistry and biology for that. haha...good night. God bless :P

Me blogged @ | 2:07 AM


Monday, July 18, 2005

*.* FOA *.*

before helen nags me again, I shall blog a short while before i sleep. It's almost 1!!!


Anyway, I couldn't go for the Deb Fong concert in church yesterday cos I was performing in my school's Festival of Arts . We had a matinee in the afternoon and a bigger one at night. For the choir, the matinee's performance wasn't very good. There was someone who came in early for one part, and it was super obvious. Then we started rushing during our 16 part Como Tu because I guess we were quite nervous. Result: Once we got out of the backstage, we had a huge scolding from our student conductor. Oh well...Then in the evening, my conductor was supposed to come, but she suddenly didn't feel well, and so she really tried by still coming down to school and sitting down to conduct us for one song, but after that she couldn't take it, and really needed to go home. Then she apologised to us Sec 4s, because a lot of us came back for this last performance and really wanted her to conduct (she really is one of the best conductors around. Dunno how she does it, but she manages to bring out the right emotions and dynamics in the choir...something no student conductor has ever done). Anyway, the evening performance was a lot better, but still not excellent lah. Of course SYF was better..haha...after taking away so many sec 4s and putting in Sec 1s, the sound just isn't the same. Still, it's my last ever performance as a choruster, kind of sad...but I'm still determined to join something else next year. Hope that fills an empty space :)

By the way, thank you Wanting, Liane Corinna, Cheryl, Phei Qi and Helen for the flowers and chocolate/Oreos. Oh! And people not from our school (dunno where they're from) actually said the choir sounded very good! haha...interesting...

Okay, I've typed a lot. Helen, you should be happy. Gotta go sleep. It's been a wonderful Sunday :) As usual. Back to dreary Monday. Good night!

Me blogged @ | 12:52 AM


Saturday, July 09, 2005

hello! It's been a loooooooooong week and I was pretty miserable for most of it...but it's finally Sunday tomorrow!!! Which means church! Whee!! Tomorrow, I'll be letting Elroy go solo on doing PA...hope he does well :) Then all my training won't go to waste. I'll probably still have to stand by just in case he can't set up all the stuff by 11.30...

Anyway, yesterday was a huge break from normal school...cos we finally celebrated Youth Day!! The morning started off quite boring, with weird announcements. Then there was this Indian Bollywood dance performance by some people. Was pretty cool, until we had to do it too...haha...I prefer watching anytime. Bollywood movies are actually pretty cool...haha...I've watched Kaal Ho Naa Ho and Kabi Kushi Khabi Gham...Anyway, after that, it was auctioning and parading of national costumes. The auctioning went crazy! The highest price for one of the items went up to $70!!!! They're crazy!! (but it was 2 teachers fighting for the item lah) Those not rich enough (like me) were extremely bored though. Aside from the occasional drama during big jumps in bidding, we were just stoning away for more than 1 hour :(

After that though, the mood changed as every class began to set up their stalls. My class was doing hennah, hair spray and temp glitter tattoo...so we split into 3 groups, and I was doing the tattoos. Well as you would probably know, I don't do this sort of stuff normally, but in the name of charity...haha...yes I even did for myself for publicity first:) Anyway, our stall was truly overwhelmed and swarmed by customers! haha...we were so busy that there were customers even before the stalls officially opened and after we were supposed to be closed. Oh, and I was the official carver, because we had some templates, but my friends also made some out of transparencies and they were struggling with using the blade to cut out the intricate designs. I like the blade (ok, that sounded wrong)...so I could do it quite well lah...hence, whenever there weren't too many customers, I would be carving out new designs. I also made 2 custom-made ones for those crazy about their CCAs..haha...and they had to pay more for that...so yay! Helped my class earn more. And my work as a tattooer was pretty fun too...I started off quite terriblym, to be honest, but as the day went along, I became a lot better :P I think the standard of service from my class was excellent! haha...and even though it was difficult dealing with so many people in one small location, (and we had to turn down some people at the end :( ) my class topped the level in earnings!!!!!! $535!!! The money doesn't go to us though..charity :P

Oh ya...then we proceeded to the hall...some rather uniteresting talks. Not a very nice way to end the day, but, oh well. I guess the fun fair was worth it. Back in class, we played with all the extra stuff. Sprayed my hair and did hennah for fun too...haha... Right now, what remains are 2 glitter tattoos on my hands and a hennah (totally untraditional one..haha). The tattoos are a rose and a frog(I carved this one!!!haha..)As for the hennah, ya I did on my own too. It says "God reigns" and for the "Indian effect", added some swirls at the sides...haha...so lame...but I like it though :P Anyway, we're allowed to keep these on one a week, but I've decided to scratch off the tattoos tomorrow. Already had some people staring at them for the past 2 days! haha... The hennah will remain till it fades off naturally. God still reigns after that though..heehee

That night, I went to watch the theatre production by my school's theatre club: Mulan. I'm really proud of them, because it wasn't drama at all. It was purely dance theatre;no dialogue, almost everything communicated through various movements. During the play, a lot of people were going "huh? Why so weird?" but I really really liked it. Well, I guess after being in performing arts for quite some time, I can appreciate more abstract but more beautiful art, so I think the money spent was worht it. Well done, Helen and WanTing. Oh ya...Helen was the Stage Manager too! Super pro...haha...My performance with other CCAs will be next Saturday...Choir(whee), CO, Band, String, Chinese Dance, Modern Dance and Guzheng. Hope the audience will appreciate the performance:)

Ok, now for today. I went for worship prac today. Argh!I was late! I hate being late...good thing Auntie Evelyn was there so she could set up PA for them first. I took over when I came. After that, we had lunch together...Me, Jonathan, Ivan, Liesl, Joycelyn...yup. Then I went to Bedok to cut hair (ah! It's very short now! Nvm...hair will grow...haha) and then to the library to borrow books...yes, once again, on the brain :) I seriously have to finish that project soon! haha... Later on, watched Center Stage, and then went to study. Yup. Just now, played Minesweeper Flags with Andy and Joel. I thrashed Andy 5 to 0. I only managed to play 1 game with Joel, and yes, he won. But we had a good talk after that :) It's been a long time..haha...for those who don't know, he's my ex-guitar teacher. Oh ya! They're going on a mission trip tomorrow to China to help Dr Tan Lai Yong (who's also from my church :P) Hopefully, they won't get stopped by customs because they're bringing a lot of medicine and supplies there.

Yay! Church tomorrow! :P Will have our first caroling committee meeting. A bit scary to be student I/C, but I hope the comm will be a huge help :) Ok, got to go. Good nite!

Me blogged @ | 10:27 PM


Thursday, July 07, 2005

*.* Essay *.*

Hi! Thought I'd post something in chinese for a change...This is an essay about how I felt after Lily's suicide... (eek! Just realised you may not even be able to see the Chinese. Never mind...)

恶梦

每天晚上睡觉之前,我当然希望我能好好地睡一觉,或许还会做一场甜美的梦。我相信没有任何人希望自己会在那一晚做恶梦,在半夜中突然醒过来,冒着一大把冷汗,才发现自己只是做梦罢了。但是,即使我们每天都要做非常恐怖、可怕的梦,至少我们知道梦后醒过来时,一切都没事了。

可是,如果从某一场梦醒不过来,那怎么办?

2005年3月11日,我在那一天刚刚从我校的中四露营回来。还记得,那一天早上,我班在全级的民间舞蹈比赛中赢了奖,所以我回到家的心情是多么的兴奋、快乐。我除了在网上的日记(blog)描写露营的情节,甚至还在那天晚上打电话给我的朋友诗恩,恨不得想把整个露营的过程告诉她。没想到,我们正在谈天的时候,我突然接到了一则简讯......

“你知道Lily发生了什么事吗?我明天会在大概傍晚六点钟去。你会去吗?”

Lily出事了? 她是不是生病住院了?或者得了什么大奖?我根本就猜不到。于是,我回复了简讯,向我朋友问个清楚。

不到一分钟后,我又收到了简讯。

“Lily在今天早上自杀去世了。”

死了?怎么可能呢?上次看到她时,她不是好好的吗?Lily为什么要自杀呢?她是利用什么方法来杀自己的?啊!这是不可能的!我不相信!我真的不相信! 但是,大了一通电话给Lily的好朋友后,我才真正地确定这个事实:Lily真的死了。我怎么能接受这件事呢?我该怎么办才好?

第二天早上(星期六),我须要参加课外活动(合唱团)。幸好我们只是欣赏别校合唱团的表演,因为我的同学从露营回来后,大多数不是生病,就是差不多没有声音来唱高难度的歌曲了。欣赏别间学校唱的歌时,我的心可算是有平静一些。也许是因为有些歌曲含着基督教的内容吧,所以听起来给我一种仿佛在教堂内的感觉。

到了下午,合唱团的中四同学也需要做社区服务,所以我们都搭地铁到Owen Road去。我们去那里的目的是探访乐龄人士,为居住的老人家表演(唱歌以及跳印度舞)。可是,当我们在旁边开始排练时,我突然又想起Lily的事。我便想,我怎么能在这里开开心心地表演呢?Lily不久前才去世了,我怎么可能有心情唱歌,甚至还跳舞呢?

于是,我做了一件很丢脸的事情。我当场在所有同学的面前开始哭,而且越哭就越伤心。我放弃了。这次的社区服务,我根本就做不到,我不能再勉强我自己了。幸好主席非常体谅我的感受,允许我在下一次补充两小时的社区服务。

那天傍晚,我和几位认识Lily的朋友一起到她的家去。组屋楼下摆着几张桌椅,Lily的棺木也在场。在一张桌子上有一本空书,是用来让每个人写一小段话给Lily。我记得我写的话大概是(从英文翻译到中文):


亲爱的Lily:

死亡永远胜不过你!好好照顾自己,好吗?

在上帝的爱间,
思美



写了这些话后,我朋友问我是否想去看Lily最后一眼。我当时心里真的很害怕,连全身都在发抖,但是我坚持要去看。没想到,棺木中的Lily的脸是多么的完美、天真,就像天使一样。她好像在睡一场很长的觉,也在做最甜、最美的梦,而这根本与她真正的生活完全相反。对Lily来说,活在这世上已经没有什么意思了,而死亡是她唯一能解脱,唯一能逃出恶梦的方法......

Lily应该去自杀吗? 她这么做是好还是坏?我什么时候才能把这件令我难过的事忘掉呢?我忘得了吗?

到现在,我还是有那么多问题想亲自问她,我现在也对“死亡”这个话题也特别敏感。也许,我也做不了什么。我想我只能做到的是信任上帝,同时让他帮我治好我心中的伤口。如果我耐心地等待,也许我的伤口终于会在一天痊愈的。也许吧......


Yup...if you did understand that, I guess it's a pretty depressing piece. Then again, almost all of the 5 that i'm sibmitting in my chinese portfolio are depressing...haha...
Ok, got to do refelctions for each piece now (which is practically another essay...sigh)

Me blogged @ | 4:12 PM