Oh yeah... pun intended on that one=)

Life is... exciting at times. And then it gets pretty horrible. Don't get me wrong. I like studying. Not that I'm weird or anything, but I do. But at this point, 5 and a half days away from A levels, I'm in Auto-Denial mode, and occasionally, the comatose and anti-social state. So there really has to be something more than the events in life right now...which is where God comes in. Being all human, and still full of teenager-angst, God doesn't always make it to the top of my priority list. "I don't hear his voice... I don't feel Him...So...fine! I shall focus on other things!"

Lol...And in the pure irony of it all, I can't focus on anything. No motivation to study Econs...way to much to study for Bio (and way too little time!)... And...great! I'm in denial. I'm not doing anything about it! Which could potentially drive me nuts. (Did I mention I'm a perfectionist with standards that leap off the regular scale?) Then, amidst all the emo-ing, bad results, crying, stoning, falling sick and panicking, God speaks. The more I rebel, the more I run, the less I have left... till all I have left... is Him. I'm tired. I can't run anymore. The only way to move on... is reflected in our favourite line to our fathers when we were young, "Carry me..." (cue in sweet voice and angelic smile) And I believe he's going to carry me through this :)

Today I went for my last Chem consultation with my teacher. At the end of it, she told my friend and I, "From what I see now, both of you will get your A for Chemistry." Do not belittle that statement! Well, at least I was very touched when I heard that...because it was my weakest subject ever since... Sec 3. haha... I scored lowest in Chem for Prelims too, but I've been studying it like crazy and... I'm glad the outlook is more positive now. I may not actually get that A eventually, but I know there is no regrets when it comes to this subject. Secretly, I really want the A though.. :) It's a requirement for "Medicine" so without the A... I guess I'll have to drop one of my biggest dreams and... try to move on.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Rom 8:1
For a while, it became a hobby to condemn myself, because no matter what I do, I'm never good enough (which is true..oops) But God said there is no condemnation for me! I'm not qualified any longer for this condemnation! I have no right to enter into that realm! And for once, I like being under-qualified:)

Take care!