zzzzzz........
Gasp! Could it be?
This blog's alive???!!!
Okay, sorry to all those who kindly tell me that my blog desperately needs an update...haha... Have either been studying, working, watching drama serials (and learning nice languages too!) or sleeping and falling sick....In other words, I haven't exactly had the time or mood to blog. Today, though, is slightly different. Forgive me if I ramble on...



Let's see...what has happened this 2 months? Believe it or not, I didn't prepare enough for my promos...some subjects had drastic improvement, and others, major disappointments too... The worst thing is, my parents refuse to scold me or ask me to study harder, so I guess I'll have to do that job, which is quite stupid if you think about it, but that's how I am...lol...I guess no one will understand the disappointment that I have with myself because for some strange reason, everyone always thinks I'll do well. Let's face it. No matter how worldly this is, I need good results to even have a primary chance to study medicine, and right now, I'm not even close to what professors and interviewers are expecting. Yay........


Today's my second day at my attachment with Singapore Cancer Society, and honestly, I'm drained.. Meeting 4 cancer patients yesterday was a really good experience, but also painful. Somehow, for most of them, knowing that they are going to die from this disease is not enough. They "MUST" have so many other problems and face issues that just make Satan smile. WHY???!!! Why does he get to do what he wants? Why does he get to drag man to hell with him? Why must he break families and use hate as a tool for emotional murder?


God is Good. Sometimes it gets hard to remember that...Thank you, Lord, for ending the visits with a patient whose mind focuses on you more than her multiple death-bringing cancers. Thank you for teaching me what it means to live for you, and you alone...Thank you for showing me what it means to not just live by grace, but live ON grace; to cling onto you because there is nothing else that I can rely on...


Okay enough moping for one day (there mightbe another round tomorrow, because we're having a second round of visits to different patients)...Anyway, today I spent almost the entire day in the office handling calls from people who want to go for the "Understanding the nature of gastric cancer" talk this Saturday. Somehow the office has this looped system for the lines, and the desk I was seated at happened to be the first phone to ring, so other phones would ring only if I was already on the line with someone. Stupid me didn't realise that until like 45 minutes after my friends and I started, so by the time the staff kindly informed me, I had about 30 calls while my friends had maybe 10 and 5 respectively depending on where they were seated. After that, I learned how to transfer the call to other desks voluntarily (haha...) so whenever I felt like it, I transferred the calls to my friends...haha...No lah, it wasn't that often...Only when I was really tired of saying "Good morning. Singapore Cancer Society...". How do I know I was tired of it? Because after lunch, the first person whose call I picked up got the same greeting (it was about 1pm :P) Anyway, half the calls had people saying in Chinese, "Sorry, do you speak Chinese?" So, I really turned super bilingual today...haha...which, of course, I don't mind doing. However, it got really tiring that, one time, I even said, "Good afternoon. Singapore Society.."!! The government would love me...lol


Well, like I said, tomorrow is a potentially depressing day, but, God is good. And that won't change. Hopefully, the sunflowers that I buy for the patients again will bring joy to their hearts in knowing that someone, even if it's just pathetic little me, cares for them and loves them. Through learning that no matter who you are, be it doctors, nurses, social workers or just students, you can't help every single patient, I'm somehow comforted that man has limitations and God's grace will surface amidst human struggles. Still, if God ever gives me the honour of being empowered with a slightly greater ability to help the sick, I believe He'll guide me in showing love to all these people, even if I'm just playing a small role. Thank you Lord for being so good to me. Thank you that I'm alive, healthy and live in a country in which I can freely worship you and have a personal relationship with you. Finally, help me to trust you more and more each day. Help me commit all my dreams and wishes fully into your hands and walk through life, becoming more and more like you with each step of this journey that I take.


*Note: If you're still reading up till now, congratulations! you've passed the long-windedness test =) Thank you for considering me important enough as a friend to read what I've typed. God bless you. Bye...