Oh yeah... pun intended on that one=)
Life is... exciting at times. And then it gets pretty horrible. Don't get me wrong. I like studying. Not that I'm weird or anything, but I do. But at this point, 5 and a half days away from A levels, I'm in Auto-Denial mode, and occasionally, the comatose and anti-social state. So there really has to be something more than the events in life right now...which is where God comes in. Being all human, and still full of teenager-angst, God doesn't always make it to the top of my priority list. "I don't hear his voice... I don't feel Him...So...fine! I shall focus on other things!"
Lol...And in the pure irony of it all, I can't focus on anything. No motivation to study Econs...way to much to study for Bio (and way too little time!)... And...great! I'm in denial. I'm not doing anything about it! Which could potentially drive me nuts. (Did I mention I'm a perfectionist with standards that leap off the regular scale?) Then, amidst all the emo-ing, bad results, crying, stoning, falling sick and panicking, God speaks. The more I rebel, the more I run, the less I have left... till all I have left... is Him. I'm tired. I can't run anymore. The only way to move on... is reflected in our favourite line to our fathers when we were young, "Carry me..." (cue in sweet voice and angelic smile) And I believe he's going to carry me through this :)
Today I went for my last Chem consultation with my teacher. At the end of it, she told my friend and I, "From what I see now, both of you will get your A for Chemistry." Do not belittle that statement! Well, at least I was very touched when I heard that...because it was my weakest subject ever since... Sec 3. haha... I scored lowest in Chem for Prelims too, but I've been studying it like crazy and... I'm glad the outlook is more positive now. I may not actually get that A eventually, but I know there is no regrets when it comes to this subject. Secretly, I really want the A though.. :) It's a requirement for "Medicine" so without the A... I guess I'll have to drop one of my biggest dreams and... try to move on.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Rom 8:1
For a while, it became a hobby to condemn myself, because no matter what I do, I'm never good enough (which is true..oops) But God said there is no condemnation for me! I'm not qualified any longer for this condemnation! I have no right to enter into that realm! And for once, I like being under-qualified:)
Take care!
Hey, a big thank you to those who've requested for my exam schedule so that you can keep me in prayer=) Here's what I'll be facing in 19 days...
31 Oct (Wed)GP Paper 1 (Essay 12C1) : 0800-0930
GP Paper 2 (Compre + App Qn) : 1000-1130
Things to pray for...
I really don't like GP, so that makes it even harder for me to do well. But yeah, pray that I'll find passion for this subject (at least till the exam is over) and that I'll be able to exercise good time management and actually finish both papers, which would be a first in history=)2 Nov (Fri)Maths Paper 1 (Pure Maths) : 0800-1100
Things to pray for...
Calmness and focus. I like Maths, so I'm just hoping that I'll enjoy the 3 hours (hopefully I'll finish the paper in 2 hours) and have time to check through my paper, since I'm usually pretty careless:P5 Nov (Mon)Chem Paper 3 (Free Response/ Essay 5C4) : 0800-1000
Things to pray for...
That I won't panic when I see inorganic chem and Ionic equilibria questions...haha. More importantly, that I'll choose the right 4 out of 5 questions, because a poor decision cost me dearly during my prelims. I've been working the hardest on Chem actually, so I'm really hoping it pays off.6 Nov (Tue)Bio Paper 2 (Core syllabus structured + Essay) : 0800-1000
Maths Paper 2 (40% pure maths, 60% Stats) : 1400-1700
Things to pray for...
This is a killer! Bio paper 2 is the most tiring and fiercest paper out of the lot, and coupled with Maths... I'm hoping I'll survive through the day. Anyway, I have forgotten a lot of the core syllabus content for Bio, so pray that I'll have sufficient time to store about 600 pages worth of information in my brain before I sit for the paper (lol... ok that's impossible) Also, for maths, I'm still quite weak at certain type of Stats questions, especially on some Sampling stuff and Probability, so I need wisdom! (all questions are compulsory=( !)13 Nov (Tue)Chem Paper 2 (Structured qns) : 0800-0930
Econs Paper 2 (Essays 6C3): 1400-1615
Things to pray for...
Another sadistic day for the examiners...sigh... Chem paper 2 is usually quite unpredictable in terms of the topics that will come out, as well as the difficulty level and mark allocation, so I hope I'll get enough practice by then. Econs paper 2 is quite a dreaded paper for me, because of my extremely limited knowledge (well, it's still building) I like microecons qns, but am struggling with macro currently. Been churning out essays for my teacher to grade... Hopefully that'll help... and that I will have enough hand muscles to write...technically 6 essays... in 2 hrs and 15 mins.14 Nov (Wed)Econs Paper 1 (2 Case Studies/DRQ) : 1400-1615
Things to pray for...
This new format of paper 1 will be implemented for the first time this year, meaning, no one actually knows exactly, how Cambridge will set the paper. So I need a clear mind, and I hope I can decipher what the extracts are trying to say (amidst the complex jargon)... oh and comprehend the diagrams (some very ugly and complicated :P) My grades for Paper 1 have fluctuated madly this year, and I hope it's time to reach the peak again16 Nov (Fri)Chem Paper 1 (MCQ) : 1430-1530
Things to pray for...
Honestly, I have yet to try a lot of past year papers for MCQ, so I have no idea how it'll be like. I struggled greatly with MCQ a while back, because of my limited knowledge in physical chem, but I'm hopefully coping better now (slightly) so pray that I'll be able to complete the paper (Hwa Chong papers usually can't be completed and checked within 1 hr) and maybe....just maybe... get an A=)19 Nov (Mon)Bio Paper 3 (Application Syllabus) : 0800-0930
Things to pray for...
Once again, this is a completely new thing, so even seniors can't help much and the questions set for Prelim are all based on speculation of what could possibly be tested. It's a race against time (at least for me) to not only memorise all the content since we learnt it as the last topics of our curriculum as well as to apply the knowledge in novel situations, which is how the paper will be set. EEK! I'm scared of this paper... to the core (even though it's not the core syllabus...)22 Nov (Thu)Bio Paper 1 (MCQ) : 0800-0915
Things to pray for...
I'm actually not too worried about this paper, because I really like Bio, and I can enjoy doing MCQ questions=P Just pray that I'll work hard for this last paper, have a great time doing this paper, and of course, get most of the answers right!Other prayer needs...
My confidence has been pretty shaky, especially after my Prelim results came back, and perhaps because of what I want to study in the future. Please pray that I'll continue to trust God for renewed strength, faith and love. I want to feel is love and be aware that I'm in his presence at all times, that I don't need to rely on physical joys (eg. fantastic results) to be satisfied or complete. I know that I'm someone who feels very lost when I'm not in control of my life or when I'm at a loss of what to do, so pray for me, that I will allow God's grace to overwhelm and fill all these insecurities with wholeness.
Thank you and God bless=)
Do let me know how I can pray for you too...